19 July 2007

about 13 years ago my friends rick and Myra and I went to joleton, which is a small rural suburb of Nashville to look at a litter of beagle puppies. The runt of the litter was he only one that wasn’t spoke for and I claimed him. He’s lying beside me in the same bed I had when I cradle him through his first night away from his mom. He’s ill and most likely won’t make it through this year. He has a couple different infections and most likely cancer. He has been an almost constant companion for the last 13 years of my life and i can’t cry for him.

I don’t know why.

I love him more than life itself. I can’t understand this lack of emotion. It’s not fear. And its not loss, because he’s still here. He’s the same old Carson I’ve always known, albeit a little worse for wear.

I can’t feel for him. It’s like I’m numb.